3 KEY DIFFERENCES IN TEENAGE BRAIN — ELDERS SHOULD EMPATHIZE & CHILDREN SHOULD EXERCISE
Once a father met me to discuss, to quote himself, his strange son. He was seeking my help in finding a good residential institution for his child. Let me briefly narrate his son’s story he shared with me.
Father has grown from a cab driver to a travel agency owner with his planning and hard work. His thirteen-year-old son studying the eighth standard had all the privileges from the father’s earnings; a separated air-conditioned bedroom, study in a renowned international school, personal four-wheeler to commute to the school, etc.
The employees of the travel agency, the neighbors, and relatives always commented that the boy is a genius, for the way he presented himself with them.
But, the teachers in school always complained, the boy is negligent towards studies, does not care for their words, never scored well in the exams.
Apart from arranging home tutors, the father brought home his 14-year-old nephew from a small town as a company to the boy and joined him in the same school, hoping the two of them would assist each other and study better.
One evening, both these boys absconded from home with a currency bundle stolen from a safe. Father quickly alerted his network, took the help of the police, and caught them in a railway station 150km away from their city after an 8-hour-long extensive drill.
When questioned where they were headed, the son responded peacefully, “We wanted to visit the Himalayas. It is quite boring here.”
Father was wondering with me, “He sounds so matured and clever in his words and deeds in general. I could not understand how could he behave so foolish, not thinking through the consequences of what he was doing”
IT’S NORMAL FOR TEENAGERS TO BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY
While this incident might appear to us very strange and puzzling, it is quite normal for teenagers to behave impulsive and aggressive owing to the variation in brain development.
- As an adult, you might find it silly to play outside in the hot sun. Your child loves it
-You would love to go to bed before eleven in the night and feel glad if you are blessed with a tensionless 7-hour sound sleep. On the other hand, your son is happy to be awake until 2 am to play Pub-G or Call of Duty online.
-While you first think of limitations in any task, your child feels there is nothing he cannot conquer
-You would think twice to go to a movie alone or with friends as you are bound to family responsibilities. Your child always feels independent despite being dependent on you.
-You keep wondering how many times the child hurts himself in silly accidents.
IT’S THE MATTER IN THE BRAIN THAT MATTERS
Adolescence is a time of significant growth and development inside the teenage brain. Three physiological aspects of brain development determine why a teenager behaves so differently from adults.
1. The Pruning or trimming of unused connections in the thinking and processing part of the child’s brain (called the grey matter) begins in the back of the brain.
2. The Pre-Frontal cortex is developed at the last and its development continues into early adulthood.
3. Because the Pre-Frontal cortex is still developing, teenagers might rely on a part of the brain called the Amygdala to make decisions and solve problems.
Sometimes children behave mature and at other times think illogical and behave impulsively. This is because of the back to front development of the brain. Teenagers are working with the brain that is still under construction.
ELDERS’ TAKEAWAYS
These brain differences neither mean that the teenagers cannot make good decisions, nor that whatever the indifference they exhibit is justified.
An awareness of these differences can help parents, teachers, and policymakers understand, anticipate, and manage the behavior of adolescents. If you are a parent or a teacher dealing with teenagers regularly, here are a few takeaways for you.
Empathize with the child
Be aware of these facts and empathize with the children whenever you notice an indifferent behavior, so that you would deal with them in a composed manner, not in an Emotional Auto-Pilot Mode.
Stop treating emotions and mistakes as strange aspects
Parents should believe and convey to the children that, there is nothing unnatural about feelings like rage, anger, aggression, infatuation, etc. There is nothing uncommon about being attracted to the opposite sex or finding pleasure in substance abuse. These are common human feelings. But, age, health, and moral conscience are more important while taking any step towards temporary pleasures.
Do not overreact to a child’s indifferences
An untoward incident where a child is caught with substance abuse or unwanted love or sexual affair triggers enormous hatred, fear, and stress in parents. They start feeling it as the end of a child’s life. If while dealing with it, we can understand this too shall pass, it will surely pass. More the dignity you show in dealing with it, the more the self-conscious gained by your child against repeating such things.
Engage the children constructively
Monitor the activities of children and engage them in tasks that involve patience, focus, and logical thinking.
Involve children in your problems
The biggest threat to teenagers in Indian families is that parents hide family problems like relation conflicts or financial troubles with the children and feel they are doing a favor to the child. Consider your child’s opinion valuable and discuss the problems with them. Whether or not they are of any help to you, their thinking towards it increases their problem-solving skills.
Allow the child to take healthy risks
Erikson describes Adolescence as ‘Identity Vs. Role Confusion’ phase.
During Adolescence, Children learn that they have different social roles; they are children, friends, students, citizens. Many experience an identity crisis during this phase. If the parents allow them to go out and explore, they can find an identity. If they push children to conform to their views, they can face role confusion and feel lost.
Now teenagers turn out to be one of the two categories. Those under sensible parenting grow independent. Others who are driven by orthodox parenting of fears and restrictions, end up confused.
If you assign a few activities involving calculated risks as regularly as possible, they develop an independent identity and explore grown-up behavior.
Talk through their decisions
You should have an elaborate discussion with the child on a decision that he/she has made. Please do not ignore the importance of discussion after the child has executed the decision, even if everything is over and any damage is already done.
Such discussion brings that mental consciousness which is needed when they are tempted to repeat any similar mistake. More such analyses you make with the children less will be the untoward incidents in their life.
Reward the right deeds
The teenage mind is a reward-seeking one. You should have a close watch on your child’s activities, identify the desirable and sensible ones, and appreciate them with rewards.
This works magically for teachers in the classroom atmosphere. Instead of shouting at or punishing a student for doing the undesirable, observe and appreciate for doing the desired.
Always be approachable
More constantly you enquire your child about his/her status, the more convenient they find it to come to you in cases of any crisis. Few parents tend to take it for granted that the child has all the freedom and hence would come to us when needed.
Children need constant reassurance of your availability for them as tend to divert to other sources as their circle grows. Not all such sources are safe for them, but they cannot differentiate.
CHILDREN TAKEAWAYS
If you are a teenager, the awareness of these differences in brain development should alert you to be conscious and take precautions to avoid the impulsive brain to bring any minor or major losses in your life.
Please note that strengthening of connections in the brain during teenage works on the use it or lose it principle. The brain is on its way to becoming more sensible and efficient, whether or not you allow it for the same depends on how you respond to it.
Here are a few practices that help you achieve control over the impulsive brain and hasten the growth of the sensible brain.
Understand the importance of being surrendered
Independent thinking is not wrong. But, completely independent execution is inappropriate. Always share your thoughts, decisions with the elders. Be open-minded to face rejection and criticism from them.
Believe that strong opposition from elders is a sign of serious repercussions to your decision. Not all elders are smart enough to convey it convincingly to you. So, you must respect their instincts too.
Find yourself creative and expressive outlets for your feelings
· Singing, Dancing, Instrumental music, sports, writing, etc are good outlets of emotion.
· Maintain a journal and introspect your activities and their results on daily basis.
· Choose an elder from reliable circles, preferably your own family to regularly express your thoughts.
· Use sticky notes on the walls of your bedroom to appreciate, comment, or criticize yourself.
Lend an ear to your peers
Be a source of empathy to your siblings or friends. Encourage them to discuss their ideas or problems with you. Whether or not you can resolve their issues, you would develop perspective towards different contexts of life.
Have enough sleep
Your teenage brain produces melatonin at a different time of the day. This makes you feel tired and ready for bed later in the evening and keep you awake into the night.
Go for a short power nap during the evenings to rejuvenate yourself and continue with your activities. Fix a minimum of 8 hours of sleep at the night.
Not just the duration of sleep, the timings also matter. To quote the old, early to bed early to rise and it should become your regular sleep routine. Do not let instantaneous requirements, including your tests and exams, disturb your sleep cycle.
Emotional Intelligence is the key to happy living.
Let every day be a Happy Children’s Day
